I've got the pistols, so I'll take the pesos

I spent last week down in Reynosa, Mexico at the Josias y Betany Children's Home. This is an orphanage tucked into a bad part of town just by the river. It was named after Keith Green's kids, Josiah and Bethany. After Keith died, his wife Melody donated about $35K to start the orphanage. I learned a great deal of the history of the orphanage and the history of some of the children

I've been there three times. This trip made the deepest impact on me yet. I was sick on the first trip, so my interaction with the kids was minimal. The second trip found me doing a lot of work outside of the orphanage and away from the kids. But this time, I spent a lot of time simply talking to the kids (whom I now know have learned a great deal of English). I became particularly attached to Carlos. Carlos is 15 (though he looks 12), and is in seventh grade. He had a stroke at birth and his right half of his body does not work very well. This trip, I found him without a brace on his leg and making good progress in his studies. But he doesn't get around well at all, and he's behind all the other kids his age. And I saw the flame of hope among the hopeless in him, and that was truly the biggest heartbreak of all. I saw Carlos in the kitchen, being helpful as usual. He was washing dishes singing Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me. And that was the straw that broke me open. I saw him there singing along to this CD - Michael W. Smith I think it was - and his head was sort of bowed and his eyes were closed as he was scrubbing dishes. It was this beautiful, sincere prayer. When do we ever pray that sincerely? When do we really need to? It's really hard for me to put into words what I felt at that moment. A shame welled up in me, but also a love for this guy. I mean, I don't cry that often. But when I think about Carlos, it's automatic. When I was around him, it was automatic.

Elisaura was always a strange girl. She had this long blonde hair and a deformed-looking upper lip. I found out that she was born with a cleft pallate. When she was a young child, the previous orphanage director kept her in a dog kennel. They only let her out to play when government officials would visit to see if they needed assistance. That previous owner was later found to a child molester. Anyway, that guy was fired or arrested or something. I don't remember, because the person telling this had limited English. Elisaura now has had three surgeries to fix her cleft pallate. She needs a couple more, but she's doing much better. And I found out that she's only a month younger than me!

But Lord have mercy on us. We pray for so much tripe and ease. This woman who was with us prayed that we would not be stopped at the border going in and out of Mexico. What was the harm of that I wonder. That it would take up time? That people would seem a little suspicious of us, stop us, and find that we were law-abiding citizens on a mission trip? It just seemed like that typical American prayer. Of course I've talked on about how much I dislike the health and wealth doctrine for years now, and this is related I'm sure. So I'm not going to get into it much. The woman who prayed that surely has a beautiful relationship with God, and I am only making an example of her to illustrate what Christians do all the time. A couple people got sick on the trip, but it passed quickly and much hard work was accomplished. We faced some minor trials overall, but I think it was a very smooth trip. But how decadent of us that we lose hope here!

I read this book, A Grief Observed, while I was there and this was a great passage. I wish I could put it better in my own words, or come up with some handy epigram to not bore you to death:

"From the rational point of view, what new factor has H.'s death introduced into the problem of the universe? What grounds has it given me for doubting all that I believe? I knew already that these things, and worse, happened daily. I would have said that I had taken them into account. I had been warned - I had warned myself - not to reckon on worldly happiness. We were even promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accepted it. I've got nothing I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination. Yes; but should it, for a sane man, make quite such a difference as this? No. And it wouldn't for a man whose faith had been real faith and whose concern for other people's sorrows had been real concern. The case is too plain. If my house was collapsed at one blow, that is because it was a house of cards. The faith which 'took these things into account' was not faith but imagination. The taking them into account was not real sympathy. If I had really cared, as I thought I did, about the sorrows of the world, I should not have been so overwhelmed when my own sorrow came. It has been an imaginary faith playing with innocuous counters labeled 'Illness,' 'Pain,' 'Death,' and 'Loneliness.' I thought I trusted the rope until it mattered to me whether it would bear me. Now it matters, and I find it didn't."

"Bridge-players tell me that there must be some money on the game, 'or else people won't take it seriously.' Apparently it's like that. Your bid - for God or no God, for a good God or the Cosmic Sadist, for eternal life or nonentity - will not be serious if nothing much is staked on it. And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high; until you find that you are playing not for counters or for sixpences but for every penny you have in the world. Nothing less will shake a man - or at any rate a man like me - out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself."

Anyway, I thought that was really a sensational explanation for pain and suffering in our lives. Oswald Chambers suggests that we never pray that one ought to be healed from sickness; rather we ought to pray that God's will be done (whatever it may be) in that situation. Perhaps one should be healed immediately, or over time like nature often does. Or perhaps one should die from the illness. Perhaps the last of these is best at times. Perhaps our own houses of cards must be knocked down. People say here today that the early Christians, being thrown to the lions in the Roman coliseum, were the best. They had true faith. But do any of us want to go back there? I think in our heart of hearts, we all know our answer.

About midway through the week in Mexico, some of us went to this church service in a park. Around 150-200 people were there, and all of them were there to hear the gospel and receive day old bread and old clothes. Many were sick and afflicted. I saw a girl who looked about ten. I couldn't tell if she was starving or pregnant. It was a rough sight even for me. Our group stood up on this stage and sang a song. Ken, our leader, spoke the gospel message to all of them. When he was done, I stepped off the stage. And immediately, I was caught in this flood of people asking to be prayed for. So I helped this man pray for people. This elderly lady asked me to pray for her, and she put my hand on her stomach. She had a large tumor. So I took some oil in my fingers, pressed them against her stomach and prayed as hard as I could. I was just amazed. I had never seen people so hungry for God or for prayer. And I thought that maybe this was what it was like for Jesus in the temple square or whatever. Praying for people. Healing people. Playing dice with people. I dunno. It was kind of neat to be a part of a place where God was working and where real work needed to be done. It was also that same experience where you get perspective. That's what you get out of a mission trip. Hopefully the people you're serving feel some love and some mercy.

In other news, Mark quit the band. We are currently writing a lot of new stuff and looking for shows.

I quit smoking. Been two weeks. The Life Aquatic was pretty good too.

Let it ride